Over due thoughts from the summer

Story about Jenniah better known as "our girl, 'Niah"

I had the distinct privilege of working alongside Hannah Livingston aka “Droodle Face” or as I believe she’s best been called, “Noodle Head” for the first 6 weeks of the summer. She wrote a blog or two about base camps and so details about the work we did or shared experiences can be read on her site Art of the Heart. But there is an event we shared that we didn’t revisit and relive as much as the others though in reflection I’m not sure why. Most of the summer I read my counselors stories out of other people’s books and biographies, they were simple and big ways the Lord had revealed himself in their lives and it gave us all hope that He would do the same with our campers and the same with us. And towards the end of my time shepherding my girls for the summer I realized over and over the Lord has allowed me to witness my own big and simple moving of my Savior in my ‘ordinary’ life and the powerful ways He has moved in our campers as well. I was broken and realized I needed to quit reading others words and speak what I’ve seen the Lord do. *

So if it’s alright I’d like to share an encounter now:

Week 4 was the last full week in June for this summer and our traveling camp found itself in Tuscaloosa, AL. Maybe not a thriving metropolis, but not the smallest town we had been to either. It was hot like Texas which the locals assured us was unusual and premature for this year’s weather. I tolerated the tour of the University of Alabama (go Aggies) and was shown true southern hospitality by my beautiful host family and got to drive the 15 passenger van to carpool everyone to the church in the morning.  It was truly a great week.

Working at camp we measure our summers by weeks, skit characters, campers, and the mishaps or schedule shifts that make each day as unique and eventful as gold fish’s memory. This week for me was marked by a specific family of campers. And sadly I don’t even know their last names. There were roughly 14 kids in this family or so I was told, some siblings and some cousins. The family are tornado victims, the moms are sisters living in a trailer with all their kids. No dad is present in the home. A young woman from the church some how crossed paths with the kids and got involved in their lives, her and her mom carpooled the 10 who were within base camp age range to the church everyday. There were 6 boys who came and 4 girls, the 3 oldest girls were handfuls in their own right but some how they had wrapped all of us around their finger especially the baby of the girls- Jenniah. Jenniah is going into first grade, she is so tiny it was hard to believe and so joyful you would never imagine her hardship. All week it was my favorite thing to visit the youngest girls cabins just to see sweet ‘Niah, as we lovingly nicknamed her, interact with her counselors, cabin mates, and siblings. On the last day I noticed ‘Niah and her counselor having a hang time during sock wrestling and soon after that her counselor, Droodle Face, came to find me. Fighting back tears, Hannah told me what Jenniah had just shared with her about her life. Apparently her mom kicked out her dad at some point because he used to hit Jenniah. I was angry and upset. I went to talk to our director about what to do and sadly there wasn’t much we could do. The dad isn’t in the home anymore, and if he’s moved our or kicked out CPS has no one to stop if he isn’t there.

I was afraid and mad by my lack of control. I could not protect our precious baby ‘Niah and I couldn’t help her. I trapsed back to the sock wrestling room defeated and now on the verge of tears, I peaked my head in and called Hannah out. As I explained the helplessness to her she nodded her head and then called for Jenniah to come out to the hallway. I picked up the sweet child and squeezed her close to me as I hugged her and held her, knowing this is the last day of camp, probably the last time I’d see her and the last time I would know I was making her safe. And in that moment Droodle said, “Tell spirit stick about your dream” taken aback but still holding her I leaned away from her and said, “Oooh what dream ‘Niah?” “Tell me, please”

Last night I went to bed and I had a dream I left my house and went away

R: Where’d you go?

N: To heaven

R: To heaven?

N: Yes, And I was there a loooong time.

R: What did you do there?

N: I saw God.

R: You saw God?

N: Yes, and He gave me a rock.

R: A rock!

N: And He told me pray with this rock and accept me.

R: So Jesus is your rock?

N: Yes.

H:Last night you asked Jesus into your heart, huh?

N:Yes.

(Tears are rolling down my face)

N: Uh oh your eyes

R: I know they’re watering like yours (Niah had a bacterial eye infection from living in a dirty and unsanitary environment, she took eye drops twice a day at camp)

N: Lets go to the nurse

R: No, no, I’m ok I’ll be ok.

R: That’s so wonderful about God, though, so wonderful

(She smiles, slides down from me holding her up at face level and walks back in)

I look at Hannah press my hand to my heart and let her follow Jenniah back into sock wrestling. I know what Hannah and ‘Niah had figured out way before me hearing about the dream was that her circumstances are uncontrollable and her future is uncertain. And is much as I would like to move to Alabama, I can’t. But God has her. Boy does he have her. He revealed himself in a dream to this precious 5 year old.

So much of what the Lord revealed to me this summer was a greater sense of urgency for His gospel to be met with a greater boldness in His calling on my life. I worked to press that on to the hearts of my counselors and fellow staffers, I would ask about missed opportunities and the root of our personal issues/ sin that kept us from sharing the Gospel. Good things to think through and process through, to get to a deeper understanding of what God has for us here on earth. But yet again He shows me and reminds me that He does not in fact need me. The pressure is not on, the burden is light, and my failures covered. He will reveal Himself to His people and sometimes if I am willing and anticipating He will choose to loose me as vessel.

.

*(Not that others words are bad, heaven knows I will keep referencing Bob Goff and Shauna Niequist as long as they keep writing about Jesus.)

In loving memory of Poppa John

Dear Jennifer, Rebe and Clark

Poppa would have been 90 today.  It has been almost five years since he died, yet I think about him  quite a bit. On his birthday,  oddly,  I really do not remember birthdays that he celebrated for himself.  He was so modest; his own birthdays were just another day on the calendar.  I really cannot remember him making his own birthday any sort of event. To celebrate his birthday, I thought I would pass on a few lessons that I remember. First, he always had time for us.  I remember him pulling into the driveway when he came in from a trip or from the office.  From the moment that he arrived, he was at our disposal.  He taught me to throw a football, throw a baseball and shoot a basketball.  He probably did all of these "sporting events"  while still in his work clothes.  Although some Dads (including me) want time to decompress or adjust to life outside work, I recall that he made time for us.  I cannot remember him being too busy or needing to carve out time for himself or his events.  It didn't occur to me until I was older that he really liked being around his own kids more than anything. Second, his "yes was Yes and his no was No".  The truth was not optional.  His word was his bond.  I have tried to live by such an example and I know that I have failed miserably at times.  If I have failed, it is not for lack of an example of a good and upright man.  I do not recall him stretching the truth or telling little white lies.  I do not remember any wink and a nod and "this is between us" type of moment.  People like this are fewer and fewer today.  In fact, it seems like with folks like Poppa  there are not many layers to peel back as the top layer is what you get : honesty. Third, the beauty of the earth enthralled him.  He could be flying to another state or driving over the flattest part of Texas,  but he always seemed to be seduced by the grandeur of what God had made out of nothing.  I know that I have had a love affair with beaches;, but my Dad love affair with what God made extended to all sorts of places.  He wanted us to see all sorts of places in America and Canada because they were worth seeing.  We took long car trips, not because Dad needed to spend 12 hours a day in a station wagon with  4 kids and his wife.  We took the car trips because there was something special about everyplace that we went and everything that we saw.  As I think about it more and more, he still had a boyish sense of awe.  Every time we went up in his plane, he had a sense that "I can't believe that I get to fly" all over again.   Any time we went on a long car trip, we got to go someplace that we had not seen before and might not see again.  He seemed to remember every small town in Texas.  I read something once that said with God there are no little people and no little places.  I often forget  (shame on me) one or both parts of that statement.  My dad set a pretty good example of the fact that every place that you go is unique: breathe it in. I love you guys so much.  I knew Poppa John well enough to know how proud he would be of his grandchildren. On a less serious note, Ranger is 2 today. 

-Dad

The Gospel

A Challenge was issued by my friend, Courtney, in an email a few weeks back:
"A coworker and I have tasked ourselves with presenting the Gospel to each other this week.

My coworker is not a believer, but has recently committed herself to studying the Word

We assigned each other the homework on Thursday afternoon after reading through the first chapter of John (we have started studying a chapter/week of John after recently finishing James together before Christmas).

She wrote down the assignment in her journal Thursday.

Then handed me a page & a half of typed Gospel explanation on Friday...

I was asked not to read it until finishing my own assignment -- which I have now completed. 

I have yet to read her thoughts but plan on doing so as soon as I get home.

It's been a ride going through the Word together.

I'm embarrassed to say that I believe she has retained more than I.

I've realized that, most of the time, I serve as a sounding board for her thoughts on the scripture and her questions regarding seeking wisdom, finding joy amidst trials, and humbling ourselves with a teachable spirit.

Her questions have been answered by the text 100% of the time.

Shocking, huh?

Realizing I've never asked most of you this, I'd like to learn from my best friends.

What is the Gospel?

Do we need pages and pages to explain it?

Or half a page?

No clue.

But I think we need to explain it.

I know life is busy and crazy and full of other things to do.

Apparently I've been doing all those other things for awhile because I can't remember the last time I outlined this part of my soul.

Thoughts appreciated."

.... Heavy, huh. Ok so write out your respond, seize this time to put "all those other things" aside and really do this, it took me over a week to finish mine, but once you finish yours you can read mine.

(Its below) Don't cheat yourself.

My Response:

"I must tell you that this charge you gave us is in large part my emotional life raft right now because as I write you back I reflect on the past few weeks. And I praise God that he orchestrated your words to come just at the time they did! 
My dad’s cancer is back. Courtney, I wish I had told you sooner (So I’m sorry for dropping this all in the same letter) but no time like the present, huh... Anyway it was so divine placement because I got your email about the Gospel the night before his surgery on the 17th. The week prior to getting your email I fell into an emotional pit. Tears were hard to squeeze out but yet all I wanted to do was cry and I ate every meal but I had little desires or cravings or taste and I considered throwing something but I knew I would not feel any better or any release. So I sat on my bed a lot and aimlessly ran errands with my mom (which I really do enjoy but had no joy at the time). All that to say I know I fell into this pit because the enemy so easily robs me of my hope and he wins when I quit clinging to the promises I know to be true. We knew for sure dad’s cancer came back the 28th of Dec but the doctors wanted more scans besides his usual MRI to verify this, then after more meetings with his oncologist, internist, and surgeons he took a week off chemo and scheduled one surgery for the liver on the 17th and another surgery for the lung on the 23rd. And on the eve of my dad’s first surgery your email was the Lord’s reminder and invitation for me to cling to His truth and promise and LOVE for me. Isn’t that just SO like our GOD?! To invite me to proclaim his mercy and grace in a time when I need most to do that for myself. So I stayed up until 2am and tried to write out the gospel and I think I wrote maybe three rough drafts and they just weren’t it. I had a track, God’s story (like history of Abraham to David to Jesus) and some verses. But I kept wondering what’s the essential?
God made us in his perfect and pleasing image so that we might be like Him and so that we might 
. But here’s the thing- I have prayed and asked the Lord to bring suffering in our lives. In the same breath I ask him to heal my dad and please use another mean in our life then to continue to shake us to our knees, but if not I trust the Lord and his will be done. Because I know that suffering produces hope and hope perseverance. Because in suffering I know the Lord as my sole provider. And in suffering I often fall into a pit where only the Lord can pull me out and in this kind of suffering I see that’s all I want and need is for Him to rescue me. 
So I think that’s the Gospel that GOD has rescued us. Essentially.
Ephesians spells out the gospel so wonderfully in my opinion-
Chpt 2:1-10
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. BUT because of His great love for us, GOD, who is RICH IN MERCY, made us alive in CHRIST, even when we were dead in our transgressions- IT IS BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might share the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which he has prepared in advance for us to do.
I read an article by Kathy and Dr. Tim Keller in relevant magazine by and in their article they’re talking about how marriage is so painful and wonderful at the same time because simply put it was designed to reflect the gospel.
“The Gospel is—we are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared to believe, and at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.” 
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/features/27749-you-never-marry-the-right-person
Preach it Kellers! - I am more desperate and desolate and destitute then I could ever want to really believe and accept. BUT CHRIST ALONE has made me clean, worthy, and an heir to His heavenly throne and kingdom-, which is more than I could have ever wildly hoped for. What a beautiful contrast, what hope!
I think that is the Gospel.
To digress for a moment, I’m going back to a little of my current situation. So in between my dad’s surgeries I went back to school, went to a few classes and then went back to Dallas for the second surgery. And flew back to college station for good for the semester on the night of the 23rd. And when I started debriefing with friends and roommates in between the two surgeries and after his most recent here is what I proclaimed- Romans 8:18-29 and most loudly vs 28. 
I may not always feel this happiness in my heart, I may feel like I’m in an emotional pit, but my God is not a God of feeling. My God is however author of time and He will say what happens in my family’s life. My God is my sole provider and He is the one who gives me breath. My God is my savior and with out Him I am forever trapped and lost. My God is my redeemer and with no sacrifice or price paid by me he rescued me from wrath. 1Timothy 1:12-17. 
This is of no glory to me but all to the Lord- I seriously pray that God continually bring suffering on my life. I ask that if the Lord wills that he will heal my dad of cancer, but to then use another means to bring trials in my life because it is only through this that I have gotten the JOY and PRIVELEGE of knowing God as my healer, provider, father, all the things above. When I look down the road of my life I don’t have a want for my dad to die before I’m old, nor do I have a want to struggle in marriage or struggle with children or experience loss. But I know that in all of those things the Lord draws me, draws us into Him. So I pray that he never lets up. It is pure joy and honor to face trials of many kinds because of the hope we gain. Matt Chandler said it would be so cruel if God withheld these struggles that draw us to more of him just for the sake that we could remain healthy and happy but never know the depths of his love. 
So it’s now the 24th and I am halfway through your assignment and coincidentally without a lesson plan or game plan for 2015 bible study. I think over what to do for this week, maybe share what God’s doing in my life or maybe wing something… And 30 min before the girls get there I see that you and Kelly have commented on the bstud status so what do I take that as? - Another invitation from the Lord for us to proclaim his Truth. 
So I took the laptop to bible study, read your email to them and said, “alright, lets do it, tell me the gospel”. So we sat there as they each chimed in and tossed around what is the gospel.
The Lord moved that night and used these girls as vessels of righteousness to speak His truth over me so that I just got to hear the Gospel over and over. And then see too who needed more clarity in the Gospel. And another divine thing happened at bible study. One of the girls asked- “Is it just the Gospel?” Does knowing the gospel = salvation? Does believing the gospel = salvation or accepting the gospel= salvation or is there more? Is salvation accepting and following or can it stop somewhere and if so where because heaven knows I don’t want to add to it, right?

So I have some ideas on an answer to that but I left my girls with a passage to read. And I want to know your thoughts on that question.
So how do we mark salvation, both in our lives and another? How is our friend saved?
I want your initial thoughts and then also thoughts on the chapter-
I had the girls read Mark 10:17-end of chpt 10."